So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
