4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
