dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
