Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
