Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
