theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
