No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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