I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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