talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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