oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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