Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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