he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
