Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
