my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
