The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
