any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found the puke drawer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
