also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
