i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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