fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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