Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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