AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
