This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
