i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
