normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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