nut hugger
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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