They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
