Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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