I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
