This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
