when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
