Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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