There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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