Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
