): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
