When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
