And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
