I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
