woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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