How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
false alarm, still single
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
