I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ketchup is God's man juice
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
