Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
