New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
