Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
