Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
