I accidentally had phone sex last night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
