I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize