i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
