TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
