I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
