I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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