You can't special order awesome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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