I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
