shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
