I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
