I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
