just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
