So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
