I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
