Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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