he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is wine microwaveable?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
