I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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