i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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