You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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