I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
