The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
