He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize