I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize