He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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