good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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