My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
