I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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