So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
