Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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