I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
