It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
