His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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