dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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