i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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