I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i came on her dog
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
